Sometimes we are really appalled at the level of service of some vendors.
(it should be noted that most go out of their way to offer you great service- but that's not note-worthy)
You would think in the millions of dollars to be had in the wedding industry, that vendors would really consider the stress causing affects of their everyday demands.
What you do not want to do before and after your wedding. (Ya, we don't want to do it either!)
Before Your Wedding:
-Get initial fitting for tux
-Call tux shop to fix order
-Drive an hour to pick up altered dress from seamstress because it was the only option.
-Return to tux shop to remeasure
-Go to pick up tux on Thursday
-Go back Friday to get tux coat and realize they didn't order it
-Go back morning of wedding to get coat (we've now been to the tux shop more than their UPS man)
After Your Wedding:
-Return cake plates (seriously? they must cost like $10)
-Return tuxes (they can't order them right, but you'd better return them the next morning!)
-Return vases (They're huge, don't crack them!)
We would like to suggest vendors offer 'Stress-Free Perks'
You could sell our Brides on these little seemingly insignificant savers- we'd book you for it!
To our beloved bride: sorry it’s not really about what YOU want!
You dreamed it, you got a rock, you were locked to a budget and then you realized…
It didn’t matter what you wanted after all. There's a reason that we abbreviate Mother Of the Bride as MOB. The Mob always get what they want and if you get in the way you and your loved ones end up hurt or missing and the Mafia is no different.
I'm sorry to be the one to inform you, but…
You are having your rehearsal at the Steak Pit because your in-laws are not going to pay more than $7.50 pp, what were you thinking?!
Your Dad’s ex-wife’s step-mom has to be seated in the processional after all the other grandparents- and she wants to sit on the front row.
Your mother doesn’t care that you want your grandma to sit with you, she can sit upstairs, she’s been creating a rift for years.
Your parents have to invite their college room-mates. No they can’t sit upstairs. No they’re not increasing the budget.
You cannot have a martini bar, what would your Great Aunt Baptist think?
Yes you will have your cousin as a bridesmaid and you cannot pick that sexy black dress for the girls, what would her mother think?!
You may not like bows as decorations but they are traditional and the mother of the groom wants them.
You didn't want the orange unity candle that your mom saved from her marriage to your step-dad? Well maybe she needs to remind you again just who is paying for this shin dig young lady. Or perhaps you'd like to do it your way on your dime?
Your mother did not get to have a big traditional wedding because money was too tight so she's going to play the role of Bride and Wedding Planner for your nuptials. You can't imagine how thrilled she was when she found out you were a girl. At last she could plan her fancy wedding!
Don't worry, you'll get to plan a wedding the way you want it… just as long as you give birth to a daughter. No? Thinking that you'd never do this to your daughter? So was your mother when your grandma planned her wedding.
"Are you friends of the Bride or Groom?"
Inspiration for this blog comes from all over the place, and doesn't get much better than this. Just last night my husband was listening to the radio and the DJs were discussing couples getting married at Wal-Mart because they wanted to wed on 7/7/07 and everything else was booked up. I was a little skeptical. Let's face it, afternoon show DJs are not exactly renowned for being bastions of truth and accuracy so I decided to poke around online. It's true, and not only is it true, but you had to win a contest to be one of the 'lucky couples.'
Here's a quote from the article:
"This package includes the decorated wedding venue in Wal-Mart's colorful lawn and garden area..."
The lawn and garden area? Why that's just as classy as if you got married at the botanical gardens. Please trust me when I tell you that if you decide have your wedding at Wal-Mart the most memorable thing about it will not be the date.
Guests will show up dressed to the nines and will be warmly welcomed by the friendly greeter. "Hello, we're here for the Glass - Cox wedding," (actual names of one of the couples).
"Oh, yes. It's back in our lawn and garden section. Take aisle 12 all the way back to the jean shorts and halter tops and then take a left. Keep going until you see the folding lawn chairs and can smell the weed killer. If you get to men's undergarments you've gone too far."
If you're lucky enough to be invited to one of these events here's a few helpful tips:
- If you forget your gift just arrive 10 minutes early and have Wal-Mart gift wrap something for you.
- A supervised nursery for the children will not be provided but as always Wal-Mart encourages you to leave them to run roughshod in the toy aisle.
- Please remember to bring your own spit cup.
- Formal attire is not required but try to choose an outfit that looks good with your mullet.
- Check the weather and remember to put the T-Tops on your Camaro if it might rain.
- Keep some dollar bills in your pocket for the 'Money Dance,' if you don't have any dollar bills handy, arrive early and return the truck battery you recently bought. Ask the customer service clerk for the $12 in ones.
The Real Wedding Crashers premieres tonight on the network that brought you such classics as Manimal and Joey and then gave Donald Trump a primetime slot for his ego. Thanks NBC, YOU’RE FIRED!*
The Real Wedding Crashers is a new reality show in which the bride and groom invite a team of actors to come and prank their wedding. Their catchphrase is “Nothing’s safe: not the cake, not the dress, not even the ceremony!” Guests will be shocked at the waiter who’s eating the appetizers, the minister who answers his cell phone during the vows, and the caterer who drops the cake. At the end of the show the guests and relatives will be let in on the ruse and will realize that they’ve just made a fool of themselves on national television. To save face for the TV audience they will laugh and smile, “Good one! You got me!” but deep down they will be wishing that they had bought the cheap salad spinner instead of splurging on the 300 thread count, goose down comforter.
Great Grandma Bertha will never quite understand that it was all a setup or why something like that would be funny, and your friends who were goaded into heated arguments with the actors you hired will feel like you betrayed them. Trust me on this, by the time it’s all over Al Capone and Eliot Ness will have had a better relationship than you will with your friends.
I’m not sure why anyone not named Ashton Kutcher would want to do this to their guests.
*Disclaimer: This phrase is NOT used with the express written permission of Donald Trump who will most likely own this blog before you are done reading it.
Sometimes we are really appalled at the level of service of some vendors.
