Tuesday, June 26, 2007

No Shirt, No Shoes, No (Wedding) Service!

"Are you friends of the Bride or Groom?"

Inspiration for this blog comes from all over the place, and doesn't get much better than this. Just last night my husband was listening to the radio and the DJs were discussing couples getting married at Wal-Mart because they wanted to wed on 7/7/07 and everything else was booked up. I was a little skeptical. Let's face it, afternoon show DJs are not exactly renowned for being bastions of truth and accuracy so I decided to poke around online. It's true, and not only is it true, but you had to win a contest to be one of the 'lucky couples.'

Here's a quote from the article:

"This package includes the decorated wedding venue in Wal-Mart's colorful lawn and garden area..."

The lawn and garden area? Why that's just as classy as if you got married at the botanical gardens. Please trust me when I tell you that if you decide have your wedding at Wal-Mart the most memorable thing about it will not be the date.

Guests will show up dressed to the nines and will be warmly welcomed by the friendly greeter. "Hello, we're here for the Glass - Cox wedding," (actual names of one of the couples).
"Oh, yes. It's back in our lawn and garden section. Take aisle 12 all the way back to the jean shorts and halter tops and then take a left. Keep going until you see the folding lawn chairs and can smell the weed killer. If you get to men's undergarments you've gone too far."

If you're lucky enough to be invited to one of these events here's a few helpful tips:
  • If you forget your gift just arrive 10 minutes early and have Wal-Mart gift wrap something for you.
  • A supervised nursery for the children will not be provided but as always Wal-Mart encourages you to leave them to run roughshod in the toy aisle.
  • Please remember to bring your own spit cup.
  • Formal attire is not required but try to choose an outfit that looks good with your mullet.
  • Check the weather and remember to put the T-Tops on your Camaro if it might rain.
  • Keep some dollar bills in your pocket for the 'Money Dance,' if you don't have any dollar bills handy, arrive early and return the truck battery you recently bought. Ask the customer service clerk for the $12 in ones.