Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Your Mom's Big Day

To our beloved bride: sorry it’s not really about what YOU want!

You dreamed it, you got a rock, you were locked to a budget and then you realized…

It didn’t matter what you wanted after all. There's a reason that we abbreviate Mother Of the Bride as MOB. The Mob always get what they want and if you get in the way you and your loved ones end up hurt or missing and the Mafia is no different.

I'm sorry to be the one to inform you, but…

You are having your rehearsal at the Steak Pit because your in-laws are not going to pay more than $7.50 pp, what were you thinking?!

Your Dad’s ex-wife’s step-mom has to be seated in the processional after all the other grandparents- and she wants to sit on the front row.

Your mother doesn’t care that you want your grandma to sit with you, she can sit upstairs, she’s been creating a rift for years.

Your parents have to invite their college room-mates. No they can’t sit upstairs. No they’re not increasing the budget.

You cannot have a martini bar, what would your Great Aunt Baptist think?

Yes you will have your cousin as a bridesmaid and you cannot pick that sexy black dress for the girls, what would her mother think?!

You may not like bows as decorations but they are traditional and the mother of the groom wants them.

You didn't want the orange unity candle that your mom saved from her marriage to your step-dad? Well maybe she needs to remind you again just who is paying for this shin dig young lady. Or perhaps you'd like to do it your way on your dime?

Your mother did not get to have a big traditional wedding because money was too tight so she's going to play the role of Bride and Wedding Planner for your nuptials. You can't imagine how thrilled she was when she found out you were a girl. At last she could plan her fancy wedding!

Don't worry, you'll get to plan a wedding the way you want it… just as long as you give birth to a daughter. No? Thinking that you'd never do this to your daughter? So was your mother when your grandma planned her wedding.