Who to invite? 10-300

Deciding who to invite is the single hardest decision in any event.
You don't want to leave people out. But each guest adds cost, seats and changes your dynamic.

You need a plan...

FIRST

An event of 10 people feels very different than an event with 300.
So first consider what you want it to be like.
Don't think about budget yet, don't worry about your third cousin or entire church that wants to attend.
Wait... and picture.

Photo: Jeff.Finn

Smallest- 2-15 guests

Your immediate family, a best friend and each other.  This event is intimate, relaxed and the most tender of events.  It can be extravagant- off to a secluded island, a weekend long celebration in your favorite city, a snowy mountain retreat get-a-way, whatever suits you best!

This event doesn't offend many people.  They tend to understand that they're not included when you're only inviting a dozen people.  It's less event and more announcement.

Photo: Seamusiv

Medium- 50-75 guests

This is our favorite size event.  You have awesome options of unique and stylish sites. It's a great number for a stylish dinner and dessert.  You can design to your hearts content and still stay on budget.  The catch? You must carefully pick your guests so that people are not offended.

Photo: Aurelien

Large- 100-300

Make sure you have the space and consider a seating arrangement. This event can also be fabulous. Pick a few key places to add some eye catching decorations.  Pick an off time when it will be obvious that a major meal won't be served- or just say Cake & Champagne Reception and figure 1 piece and 1/2 glass pp for a toast.

Here's how to not offend people not invited...

Levels- Make the cut...
For example: if you invite one long lost third cousin, it's better to invite them all.


Level 1- Bride & Groom
Level 2- B&G, parents, closest friends
Level 3- B&G, immediate family, important friends
Level 4- B&G, extended (but seen often) family, current (seen often friends)
Level 5- B&G, extended family (incl. travelers), current and select important friends from your past
Level 6- B&G, all family, all friends, co-workers of B&G
Level 7- B&G, family, friends, co-workers of B&G & moms and dads, your dentist and the mayor.

There are exceptions. to these levels but this helps protect feelings and give you a place to know when to say when.

The dynamic is very different if you've invited your closet family and friends than if you add an open invite to your church of 150.  Will you find your closest people you want to celebrate with? Will your church members leave early or be offended at your martinis?  It's always best to picture your event.  Not just your flowers and dress, but how your experience of it will be.

Second-

What if who you want to invite you cannot afford or fit?

Announcements- 

Sent after the event to let people know- or you can send them before- just omit all event details.
James & Sarah
would like to announce 
their upcoming marriage
June 20, 2015

Do not include a registry list.  Otherwise it looks like...
You're not invited, 
but send gifts anyway

After is a great way to announce because you can include new address, phones and such.

The Double Reception

Invite them all and have a cake reception where your ceremony is held. (often your church) and then have a lavish dinner reception later for a smaller closer group.  Give people time to make the transitions or even go back to their hotels for a nap before a long evening of drinks and food at your favorite restaurants private space.

Simplify your plans

Get creative for a bigger site or a shorter outdoor reception in  a safer weather month.

Most of all be flexible.
Weddings especially are highly emotional times for all.

Take a deep breath, take care of your loved ones feelings too and Enjoy Your Event!

Vision... Putting it into practice

Every night before marrying tis stuck in your brain...
You're hoping those plans won't go down the drain.

Swags of flowers hung on the mantle with care
It must be a celebration with audacious flair!

Visions of sugared vases dance in your head;

table cloths flowing and perfect, down to every thread.

With the lustre of your dreams for all to behold,

There must be other options than that gaudy gold!

little lights -- how they twinkle! night long dancing- how merry!

If I don't get good help, this may all get very scary!




How do you take all those dreams and visions out of your head and actually make them a reality?

First- 

Look at pictures, a lot of them.  Pinterest is perfect for this because you can begin to make boards for all that you love.

Then-

Once you've gotten a decent collection, make notes on them as to what specifically you like about it.  (It may take you a while to pin it down.)

It may also help to notice what picture you dislike.  It will tell you what not to do.  Sometimes this is much more helpful for your vision.  Especially if it's something that occurs at weddings all the time.  We've had brides who hated bows (It made for a gorgeous modern wedding with cool knots everywhere.), brides who hated white (gorgeous deep hues everywhere.) and brides who thought wild flowers looked like weeds (think great big amazing blossoms everywhere.)

Start to detail it out-

Take your Pinterest boards and divvy them out.

• Dresses
• Hair
• Bouquets
• Ceremony Flowers & Details
• Centerpieces
• Tables
• Invitations
• Drinks
• Appetizers
• Meals
• Favors
• Cake

check our details page to get an idea of things to pin down your style on.

Narrow it down-

You must pick 1 theme.  And no I'm not thinking pirates or the Caribbean.

You need to have a sort of branding for your event.  It must all fit together, look like it was meant to be side by side.

If you like two contrasting items then look for photos of them combined. Or try it out.  It can be done carefully.  Hire a great florist and design company.  A good coordinator should be able to reach into your brain and find the right people to install that audacious flair for you.

Mistakes-

We see 2 common mistake in vision planning.

1-Trying to do too much.

2-Implementing it poorly.

Trying too much

Check your budget and decide (with a professional) what it will really cover.
You can still make it fabulous on a smaller scale- just pick your spots and ignore the others.
Decide what things will make the most impact.  Entryways, focal points, aisles, tables, room centers- are all great places to make a big impact.

Implementing it poorly.

Clients often underestimate what it will take to make a statement where they've decided to pay attention too.

some examples...

• more petals- when your florist asks how many bags of petals you want- A LOT.  petals don't go far and it takes a condensed amount to show up for a striking effect.
• flower arches- think thicker and more massive.  The frail arch might as well be skipped because you will see right through it.  It will not stop your eye.  And the flowers should be striking enough to see- especially outside.  There's so much to distract the eye that it's very important to create something 'opaque' enough to give your eyes something to stop on, not strain to see.
• paper lanterns- these are such a cool thing to use in your decorating but small and few of them just get lost.  Light them up.  Go Big (or group small ones).  Test it out.

Time

Plan enough time.  Hire a professional installer to hang lights, drape fabric, install lanterns and install your expensive floral pieces.  Do not make your mom or friend struggle to make something look right at the last minute.

Things often take more time and more hands than first thought.  

It's worth it to make it great. Just plan carefully. Those who fail to plan, plan to fail. right?

Ask for help

Once you've found what you want, take a load off and let someone help you.  A professional will know the pitfalls to watch for, how much it will cost and where to get it done not to mention the best way to install it and how long that will take.

You can do a lot of things yourself but your wedding day is not the day to do it.  Weddings are emotionally stressful (this isn't news to you) remove the possible pitfalls and let others help you...Enjoy Your Event!

You can have the event you want on any budget, really.  Just plan in reality- what it will really take and really look like. A carefully planned event will be noticed by your guests and will please you as...just the event you wanted.

Happy Planning!

How many guests to invite?

Photo: Andre Morrell

You want to invite how many people?!

You're engaged, you're excited and you're telling everyone.
Of course! But wait a minute...

When you run into your long lost friend you haven't seen in years and you tell them the great news... stop... just before inviting them in person.

Tell anyone you want.  Blast it out on social media.  But leave out the "You have to come!" part for a little while.

Vision

Develop a vision for your event first. Your event will look A LOT different if you invite 30 people, 75 people or 150 people.  You can pay a lot of detail to tables, flowers, drinks and food at a smaller level that you cannot at a large scale.  Unless you hire a large staff and have a large budget.
(Vision post coming soon! We know, you can hardly wait!)

Budget

Go read The Cost of a Guest

Make a realistic budget. Goto WeddingWire.com to create an easy and customizable budget.
Then think about how many people that really fits.
For example...
$7,000 may look like a lot of money for food but may really only feed 100 people.


$45pp for a minimal buffet dinner & very light appetizers.
Cake cutting fee $2.50pp
$15 per server per hour (~$1,000)
Gratuity 20%
Tax 8%
Total Due $7.452

Now if you just want a bbq delivered drop catering service you may be able to spend less.  But decide early as this may make you sad when it kills your vision and causes lots of work for you and your family and friends without a budget for set up, refill and clean up help.  If it's your plan from the get go then it's not a problem. Surprises during wedding planning can often burst your bubble.

Inviting Guests

The plan...
1. Announce without inviting all

2. Plan your vision. (We'll help you tomorrow.)

3. Determine a realistic budget.

4. Plan a number of guests.
(Don't worry, we"ll help you determine who to invite and how not to let people feel left out.)

It's a big week here at Icing Side Up.
Don't Fret!

We'll help you...

Enjoy Your Event!

Keeping Your Guests Happy

Photo: David Leong

You've planned the perfect guest list, 

                  they've traversed the globe to celebrate with you,

now's the time to think about your event from the perspective of a guest. (psst. you're a guest too!)

When you plan your event, you often think of the big items; site, clothes, music, food, photography.  But we challenge you to think about it from a different angle.  If you haven't started planning yet, this is a great framework to use.  It will be a fresh take and will alert you to what matters to you and what you'd like to skip- then your budget priorities will be so much easier. 

You've learned how to guide your guests and about the flow of the event, now comes the why.

Time of day...

You may have chosen the time of your event for many reasons; budget, availability, lighting, theme (dessert bar anyone?) but there's other things to consider about the time your guests will arrive..

Photo: Waferboard

Starving Guests...

When did they eat last?  When did you eat last for that matter. Sometimes clients have chosen an off time of day in hopes of saving some money on a full blown meal. Or perhaps on alcohol (think brunch not late night) but you should also consider- how long have they been traveling to get to your event? (up a mountain?) Will your ceremony end at an assumed meal time? Or will they be at your event for an extended period of time? Better plan ahead for food, and don't make them wait too long.

Traditionally no food or drink is offered prior to the ceremony.  But if your guests had to skip lunch to get to you on time, it might be nice to have a table set up as guests enter with water and crackers and cheese.  If your ceremony is in a church, then make sure to display a sign asking guests to refrain from bringing food and drink inside.  Perhaps a water station in the yard outside would be a nice arrival welcome for the weary traveler.  Remove or cover the food portion (leave the water) about 15 minutes prior to your ceremony start time to let guests know it's time to find a seat.

Photo: Faungg

Heat...

Something you want to consider for outdoor ceremonies (or indoor with poor ventilation.)

• Indoors- test the ac and or fans before hand and plan when they'll begin to run.  (Several hours prior to event, to ensure proper cool.  Ac's don't recover well to quick rises and you don't save by leaving them off until the last minute.  Let them run little bits in the am in prep.)
• If you've fallen in love with an old church with no ac and are marrying on a hot day, do everything you can to help your guests. offer handheld fans, a very cold water station just outside and ask the staff what they can do to help.  They often know some tricks of the space.  (Once you know the plan- alert your vendors!  Nothing ruins a cool room, like the doors left open while vendors set up.)
• Outdoors- plan shade if you can.  visit your site a couple weeks prior at the exact time of day to scope the cool and shady spots.  Place your ceremony there if you can, rent pretty white umbrellas for the guests if not. (even a few are nice), or set up some chairs in the shade for older guests or those who are not so great at dealing with the heat.

Bugs...

If your event is outdoor and evening, then you should ask the staff what bugs they normally deal with.  (This also applies to barn or backyard events.)  Have the staff use bug sprays leading up to the event. (Make sure they are environmentally friendly.  don't want to be breathing the remains of those!) And plan your event away from water sources.

Boredom & Sleep...

That's right! You heard me! Don't let your guests sit with nothing to do for long periods of time.  And please consider what they have the following day. (Church? Early flight home?) If you're event will go into the wee hours, then make sure that the main events; dinner, dessert, toasts, are done fairly early in case a guest must leave you early.

The Ride Home...

Ice cold waters for the ride home are a nice touch.  Especially if they've been 'partying heavily'.  

A thank you sign on the way out, shows your appreciation.

A polite sign near the exit for a local taxi company says "I love you, don't drive if you've indulged too much." but maybe not those exact words.

You've done all you can do, but we just want to say... You can't please everyone.  Just ignore any rude wedding guests and Enjoy Your Day!

“A cake, Frank, is made of flour and water.”

Often wedding clients feel like they are being taken advantage of by pricey cakes. Why are they so expensive? Are these cakes stuffed with a green paper filling?

Are these vendors making millions off my bliss?

It’s true, wedding desires often cost much more than you want them to. If you understand what goes into each item and the demand for them, it will make much more sense.

This Behind the Scenes look at Cakes is the first in our series of many Behind the Scenes posts.

Why do wedding cakes cost $6 a serving and up? (Keep in mind this is a mid-west estimate and you’ll pay more in New York, California, Napa, etc.)

Wedding cakes involve structure. This is not your 5th birthday cake. It’s 5 of those piled on top of each other. It involves PVC, dowels and very precise leveling. Sometimes brides wonder if they can make their own tiered cake. A fraction of brides have the baking skills to construct such a cake well. Even if you are one of them, I still do not recommend that you make the cake for your own wedding. You should spend your morning having your hair done, getting dressed, enjoying your family and friends. Stressed out brides are often those who try too much and then are panicked at the last minute. I’m sure you’re very talented, but you don’t want to test it today and be heart broken about the most important day of your life.

Wedding cakes should taste amazing. It’s really easy for a cake to be too dry or for the filling to be too soft and compromise the structure. Bakers have honed their skills for years, making many cakes each week. You may go and taste all their wonderful flavors and even challenge them to recreate one of your favorites in the months prior to your event. They have tested the science of the recipes to ensure they taste best and look great- no gloppy cake please.

Your wedding cake should look like a tower of art, not like a 3rd grade Home Economics project. Be inspired, go to the knot and see hundreds of gorgeous cakes that will call out to you and your wallet. Then go to your local bakeries’ websites and see who best fits your style. You do not need to see your exact cake but the cakes should have a similar feel and construction style. Don’t hire a baker who rarely works with fondant icing if that is what your heart desires. Make it yourself and you could be crying over orange fingers and slimy fondant. Pick a stunning cake and an artist to make it. Don’t believe the propaganda, this is the one time you should expect to have your cake and eat it too.

Finally, while we don’t suggest you make your own cake, we always suggest you be original. If there’s a traditional item you don’t want for your wedding, skip it and come up with your own idea. Guests often attend 5 weddings a summer. It’s refreshing to attend one that has been given attention to detail and is not the same as all the others. (Yes those floating candles are cool looking, but they were cool in 1990 as well.) Don’t want a pricey, tiered cake? Order 200 orange cupcakes from your grocer and shave chocolate over them. (Use a rotary cheese grater and chocolate chips). Or sprinkle silver dragées over ganache cupcakes.

One of my favorite weddings was in a wildflower field in Carbondale, CO. We rented large white tents, bright blue table cloths and ordered large fruit tarts. It was spectacular, and simple (shhhh- don’t tell.) These are some great ways to save with alternatives.

Still want that skyscraper art piece. (I know you do) Give the bakers a break. Tiered fondant cakes require a lot of labor and a lot of skill, and they make for a jaw dropping centerpiece for your reception.

Nevermind, Just Send Gifts.

Former UCLA Basketball Coach Steve Lavin is getting married to actress Mary Jarou.
They have some great ideas for your wedding!


1. Pick a drop dead gorgeous resort location.
2. Invite everyone you ever met with an engraved invite.
3. Register at Tiffanys and Lexus.4.send an email and let them all know you changed your mind and you don’t want them to come.
(Be sure to include an address to mail your gifts to you at.)

You think we’re kidding?

Following is their actual email.
I don’t believe in Karma but this must have serious repercussions.
~
Update from the Jarou/Lavin wedding headquarters in Newport Beach. Unexpectedly we have received a stunning 95% RSVP on sent out wedding invitations. As a result, our wedding guest list has far exceeded the maximum capacity for a traditional ceremony and reception at The Montage Resort. After giving serious consideration to alternative plans we have decided the best option at this late stage is to head to Europe to create a magical wedding day. Please accept our sincere apologies for any inconveniences this change in our wedding plans may have caused you. We are sorry that we will not be able to share our big day with family and friends. We will be sure to send you photos of our wedding upon our return from Europe. Please confirm that you received this email. Thanks in advance for your understanding. Warm regards, Steve & Mary
~

To translate…
“I wanted you all to know about the hottie I’m marrying and wanted you to send us a fab gift, didn’t think you’d really spring for it, oops.”

We have some more ideas for the etiquette challenged.

go to the resorts web page and send an e-card http://www.montagelagunabeach.com/newepostcards/ecard.php?clear=1

Send them a gift card (http://www.montageshops.com/giftcards.php) and tell them "Here hope this pays the taxes on your room you already booked."

Just stick a post-it note to their office door “Hey, the bash is off, Steve”

These people are idiots.
Emily Post is rolling in her grave as we speak.


thanks to the following for finding the story first.
http://www.bruinsnation.com/story/2007/7/9/154310/7296
http://www.withleather.com/post.phtml?pk=3318

by the way… if you like the pictures goto http://www.montagelagunabeach.com/index.html and book yourself a room, I hear they have openings.

Your Mom's Big Day

To our beloved bride: sorry it’s not really about what YOU want!

You dreamed it, you got a rock, you were locked to a budget and then you realized…

It didn’t matter what you wanted after all. There's a reason that we abbreviate Mother Of the Bride as MOB. The Mob always get what they want and if you get in the way you and your loved ones end up hurt or missing and the Mafia is no different.

I'm sorry to be the one to inform you, but…

You are having your rehearsal at the Steak Pit because your in-laws are not going to pay more than $7.50 pp, what were you thinking?!

Your Dad’s ex-wife’s step-mom has to be seated in the processional after all the other grandparents- and she wants to sit on the front row.

Your mother doesn’t care that you want your grandma to sit with you, she can sit upstairs, she’s been creating a rift for years.

Your parents have to invite their college room-mates. No they can’t sit upstairs. No they’re not increasing the budget.

You cannot have a martini bar, what would your Great Aunt Baptist think?

Yes you will have your cousin as a bridesmaid and you cannot pick that sexy black dress for the girls, what would her mother think?!

You may not like bows as decorations but they are traditional and the mother of the groom wants them.

You didn't want the orange unity candle that your mom saved from her marriage to your step-dad? Well maybe she needs to remind you again just who is paying for this shin dig young lady. Or perhaps you'd like to do it your way on your dime?

Your mother did not get to have a big traditional wedding because money was too tight so she's going to play the role of Bride and Wedding Planner for your nuptials. You can't imagine how thrilled she was when she found out you were a girl. At last she could plan her fancy wedding!

Don't worry, you'll get to plan a wedding the way you want it… just as long as you give birth to a daughter. No? Thinking that you'd never do this to your daughter? So was your mother when your grandma planned her wedding.

The Cost of a Guest

How much does it cost to invite a guest to your wedding? If you haven’t thought about it, now is a good time to do so. Here are some categories to think about and a ballpark figure to do some preliminary calculations.

• Caterer $45


• Alcohol $25


• Cake $7


• Stationary $5


• Rentals $16 (Chair $8, Table $1, Linens $2, Place Setting $5)


• Centerpiece $8 (Flowers, Candles, etc.)


• Favors $4


• Shuttle Service $2


• Staff $6

All totaled up that’s almost $120 per wedding guest! Which means that the cost for inviting your cousin, his wife and their two kids to your wedding is fast approaching $500 – and the kids probably won’t even eat the food, let alone like it!

Parents who are footing the bill for a wedding are notorious for adding long lost relatives to the guest list and then grumbling that the budget has ‘mysteriously’ increased since the last time they were consulted. In reality, there’s nothing mysterious about it at all: E=MC squared and MG=M$ (More Guests = More Money).
Perhaps you should think of your guest list as an investment, sure invite the rich uncle who doesn’t know what to do with his money, but you might want to think twice before you invite that broke cousin who gave your sister the pastel green candy dish… or was that a single martini glass? I guess the ambiguity is part of the charm.